Mini-Beyonce Goes Texan, Y’all.

Mini-Beyonce the Chicken in her Go Texan attire

I’m a big fan of The Bloggess, and particularly her story about her battle with her husband to keep an oversized metal chicken.  So when I saw that she was selling mini-Beyonces on Zazzle, I nearly broke my fingers putting in the info to get one on order, ASAP, so that the Beyonce hilarity could finally be realized in our home.  Every day or so, I’ve been taping some sort of remark to mini-Beyonce and hiding her where my wife will discover her.  These discoveries are either met with quiet laughter or total silence (and usually the shuffling of papers or typing of a keyboard), depending on the success of my humor.

Today’s mini-Beyonce theme isn’t particularly humorous, but the kickoff of the Houston Livestock Show and Rodeo is tomorrow, so today is  Go Texan Day.  The only clear choice was for mini-Beyonce to, well, go Texan.

(Yes.  I actually spent time creating a tiny cowboy hat for a little acrylic chicken.  Actually, I had originally made her a tiny lasso, but when I propped it up next to her, it looked like a tiny looped-up piece of bacon, so I tossed it and just stuck with the hat.  If I can find some twine, though, the lasso is totally on, y’all…)

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Jehovah’s Witness Fired for Religious Beliefs | Society | News | ERR

Jehovah’s Witness Fired for Religious Beliefs | Society | News | ERR.

A Jehovah’s Witness kindergarten teacher is fired because she won’t allow her class to celebrate any holidays.  She files a complaint; the Labor Dispute Committee rules in her favor and her employer is forced to pay her one month’s salary.

Those are the bullet points of this article.  I’m not even going to waste my breath (or…er…muscle energy to type?) discussing the ridiculousness of getting upset over being fired from a job in which you refuse to carry out what would typically be expected of anyone hired for that position.

If you pay attention to the article, it also notes that among other things, she was fired for “…an incident, which the woman disputes, where she supposedly left three children unattended in a library.”

Left three kids unattended in a library, huh?  How exactly is THAT religious discrimination, pray tell?  Does this woman belong to some  bizarre offshoot of the Jehovah’s Witnesses that forbids adults from being in a library when there are children present?

Wait!  I forgot!  Wasn’t there that bit in Leviteronomy 13:7-8?  As I recall, it said something like:

“And did thus sayeth Hezekiah to the followers of the Lord: Leave ye alone thy young children while they are amongst thy collections of pages.”

Clearly religious discrimination.

Maybe the problem is ME. It’s probably me. Ok, it’s definitely me.

The title of this cartoon is “Comic Strip Demonstrates an Awkward Pitfall of Speaking to Your Coworkers.”  It also applies to neighbors, cashiers, or any random people with which you might be forced to speak.

Maybe it’s not so much about having to discuss topics that strike to the very core of your soul as it is just taking a minute to listen to and really care about what the other person has just said to you.  Which would help one avoid these types of circular “Shit; now I’ve made a fool of myself and am totally stuck” mandatory greeting moments.  Moments that I find myself in allllllll the time.

For example, here’s a conversation I had with my wife the other day:

Me:  I saw one of our neighbors downstairs earlier—the lady who is married to that guy who looks all serious all the time?  (You can see I’m really good with names and faces, here…) Gypsy ran up to her and the lady was petting her.  I totally forgot that our dogs had met her and her dog in the lobby the day before…so I was explaining that Gypsy wasn’t ferocious when she reminded me that she had taken a picture of her chihuahua with Gypsy.  You know:  Jack the tiny chihuahua with Gypsy the huge Great Pyrenees.

Wife:  Oh?  What did she say about Gypsy?  Does she like her?

Me:  This is weird, but I THINK she said…  I’m not sure, but I think she said she sent the picture to a friend of hers who is dying.  I think she said dying.  Either that, or she said a friend named Eileen.  I didn’t think it was appropriate to ask, “Did you just say ‘dying?'”

Wife:  So what did you say?

Me:  I said, “Oh, I forgot about Gypsy meeting you and your chihuahua yesterday!  I’m losing my mind!”

Wife:  (Looking stunned at my social ineptitude/total insensitivity to the dying friend.)  So you didn’t acknowledge the dying friend?  At all?

Me:  Being that it took me by surprise and I wasn’t sure that was what she had said….  No.  I didn’t know what to say.

Wife:  How about, “How did your friend like the picture?”  Which would have covered both “My friend named Eileen” or “My friend who’s dying”?

Me:  (Looking stunned at her genius)  If I could rewind back to our conversation, that is EXACTLY what I would say.

No Patience for Small Talk

Small talk.  I engage in it, (we all do—to get by, to be polite, right?) but I hate it.

“Nice weather we’ve been having!”

“How about last night’s game?”

“Another Monday, huh?”

Generic, meaningless questions met with generic, meaningless answers.  I’m an introvert and prefer to spend time with my wife and a small group of family/friends.  Put me at a dinner or cocktail party with a large group of people engaging in this sort of mindless banter and sucks my energy—no!—it sucks the life out of my very SOUL.  There is nothing I detest more.

Problem is, what I’m usually interested in discussing are The Two Forbidden Topics.  The ones that you’re not allowed to bring up at Thanksgiving or at dinner parties.  You know:  religion and politics.  The topics that cause everyone to A: recoil in horror that someone might become offended; B: stand on the table with knife in hand, threatening the person sitting next to them; or C: withdraw from the conversation because they know absolutely nothing about any of this and feel that it doesn’t really matter because the issue at hand doesn’t affect them, anyways!

Life…religion…politics:  In my opinion, exactly what a blog is meant for!